Afterglow Week Six:  A Meditation to Be As You Are

Since the free app that I recommended for my curriculum guided meditations, Stop, Breathe & Think, went out of business earlier this year, I want to offer some lovely alternatives for you to use instead. I love this self-acceptance meditation by Cheryl Jones, founder of the Mindful Path. Feel free to read this aloud in the group, or click on the link to access the free audio available on mindful.com

1. Find your way to an upright and dignified posture. Close your eyes or lower your eyes in a soft gaze. Place your feet on the ground and relax your arms at your sides. Rest your hands in your lap. Draw your shoulder blades subtly toward each other, allowing the chin to be parallel with the floor. Lift the crown of your head toward the sky. Perhaps soften the belly and the jaw.

2. Notice what it feels like to stop. Notice what it feels like to be sitting in this purposeful posture in this moment, in this space. And perhaps now take a moment to welcome yourself to your practice, acknowledging your willingness to be here for yourself in this way.

3. Notice that you are breathing. There’s no need to change or manipulate the breath in any way. Allow the breath to be just as it is right here, right now. Simply follow the breath in and follow the breath out.

4. Notice where you feel the sensations of the breath. Perhaps you’re aware of the air moving in and out at the nostrils and the upper lip. You could possibly be sensing the gentle expanding and contracting of the chest and ribs. Maybe you feel the abdomen rising and sinking. Allow your attention to rest on the sensations of the breath as it flows in and out of the body.

5. As you’re sitting here with the attention on the breath, you may notice thoughts going through the mind. There’s no need to block thoughts out. Rather, see if it is possible to allow thoughts to pass through the mind one by one. Let go of any need to label thoughts as positive or negative. Good or bad. Find a neutral way to be with your thoughts. See if it’s possible to be aware of thoughts without grasping or clinging to any one thought. And also without rejecting or denying any particular thought.

6. Shift your attention now to any feelings that may be present in this moment. Breathing in and breathing out. Acknowledge any feeling just as it is. Sometimes we have feelings about our feelings. We may feel that one feeling is OK or acceptable while another is not. All feelings are acceptable.

7. Now, bring your awareness to sensations within the body. Warmth. Coolness. Tingling. Tightness. Pulsation. Relaxation. Hunger. Fullness. Notice what’s happening within the body in this moment. Do this with patience and kindness. Explore sensations both strong and subtle with curiosity.

8. As you breathe in and breathe out, notice if your posture has shifted. And then make any adjustments, if you’d like. Allow yourself to tune in to the body just as it is.

9. Center your attention on only the breath now. And as we near the end of this practice, follow three more full cycles of breathing. Be as present as possible for each one. Remember this place of awareness is always available to you because it’s within you.

10. As you feel ready, allow your eyes to open gently if they were closed. Get reacquainted with your surroundings and prepare to reengage with the day. Perhaps set an intention to bring awareness to all that you do and into each interaction.

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Afterglow Week Four: A Meditation to Find Calm and Equanimity

Since the free app that I recommended for my curriculum guided meditations, Stop, Breathe & Think, went out of business earlier this year, I want to offer some alternatives for you to use instead. I love this calming meditation by Diane Winston, director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA. Feel free to read this aloud in the group, which may be more time efficient if there are fussy babies present, or click on the link to access the free audio available on mindful.com

 1. Let’s begin with a few deep breaths. And as you take these deep breaths, let yourself soften into the present moment. Let go of whatever was challenging for you today and help yourself arrive more fully right here and now.

2. Notice your body wherever you’re seated: maybe you’re sitting on a chair or couch or bed. Feel your feet on the floor, feeling the solidity of the floor. Can you feel the connection between your feet and the ground? Feel the support and always remind yourself that you can go back to the sensations of your feet on the ground when you need a sense of grounding. When you start to feel anxious, when you start to feel some despair, irritation, frustration, come back to the present moment through feeling your feet on the ground.

3. Notice other parts of the body softening, resting. Feel your legs supported. Feel your pelvis and feel your back against the chair. Or just notice your back and stomach area.

4. Take another deep breath while softening your stomach area. Feel your hands and fingers and let them be soft. Let your arms and shoulders soften, too. Relax your neck, throat, and facial muscles.

5. How are you feeling now? Check in with you heart, your emotions. See if you can let whatever is here be here. This is space and time for you.

6. Turn your attention toward the sounds around you. Listen to sounds as they come and go. There may be a sound of silence where you are. We’re not getting lost in a story about the sounds. Instead, we’re just listening.

7. Now, shift your attention to your breath and your body. Feel your abdomen or chest rising and falling. Let your breath be natural at its own natural rhythm, and exhale through your nose. Notice the air moving in your body: at your abdomen or chest or nose.

8. To help us find some stability and calm, and come back to ourselves, let’s go back to the breath. Choose an anchor of attention that is easiest or clearest for you to follow. Or if you enjoyed listening to sounds, you can continue doing that. It’s helpful to have one thing to focus on. Our attention will wander and we simply bring it back.

9. As we continue meditating, we’ll shift to the practice of cultivating equanimity. To begin, bring to mind a time in your life when you felt you had some equanimity. And this may have been very recently or it may have been a long time ago. It may have been something major when you handled something in a way that you surprised you. It may been something small, like a moment when you felt present.See if you can remember that time well. Remember where you were. Remember what you could see. Remember what you could hear. Remember what you could smell. Most importantly, what did you feel in your body?

10. Bring your attention to what you felt in your body. Notice what qualities you could discern. Did you feel strong or centered. Powerful, relaxed, or open? Feel that right now. Feel that experience. And if you want to use phrases to remind yourself, you can say something like, “I could be with this as it was.” “I could handle it.” “I handled this with ease, with equanimity.” “It might not have been easy, but with balance I got through it.” Listen to sounds as they come and go. Notice what you’re feeling. Notice a sense of balance and even-mindedness.

11. Now, let’s see if there’s a part of our body that feels at ease. And if there’s nothing that feels good in your body right now, maybe open your eyes and look for something attractive in front of you, like a flower out the window or something else that’s pleasing.

12. And now try to think of a way in which you’re not having equanimity these days. If you’re newer to this practice, just start with something simple in your life. Someplace where you don’t have equanimity. It could be in relation to another person, it could be in relation to yourself. Bring that situation or that person or the place where you don’t have equanimity to mind. Notice how it feels in your body right now. Notice how you’re feeling. You can also notice the part of you that feels at ease and let yourself connect with that part of your body. And we might say, “Things are as they are.” “May I be with things as they are.” “You are as you are.” “May I be with you as you are.” “Life is as it is.” “Can I be with this as it is?” “May I one day be with life as it is.” “May I consider the possibility of being with things as they are.” “May I know I’ll get through this.”  

13. As you say your own phrases or my words, notice what’s happening in your body. And if you start to feel more of this quality of equanimity, really let it be here.

14. Remember how it felt in the previous memory? Can you bring that here right now for this difficult situation? You can be with things are they are. Things are as they are.

15. There may be a voice inside of you saying, “No, I can’t be with things.” “It’s unfair.” or “Things are really bad.” Can you bring some kindness and compassion to yourself right now for that voice? It’s so understandable, so real, and we’re all feeling that at various times. For whatever I’m experiencing, can I hold myself with kindness?

16. And whether or not there is strong equanimity, if you want to bring back that earlier memory where there was equanimity, let’s send it out into the world. Equanimity is even-mindedness, balance, and courage. So, in your mind, generate the quality and send it out throughout the world, touching all the people who need it right now.

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Afterglow Week Five: A Meditation for Deep Relaxation

Since the free app that I recommended for my curriculum guided meditations, Stop, Breathe & Think, went out of business earlier this year, I want to offer some lovely alternatives for you to use instead. I love this simple yet powerful meditation by Janée Johnson. Feel free to read this aloud in the group, which may be more time efficient, or click on the link to access the free audio available on mindful.com

1. Sitting in an upright but relaxed position, drop your gaze or close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and an audible exhale out. Breathing in and breathing out, sitting quietly, free floating, invite your body to relax.

2. When we simply sit and breathe, we activate the body’s calming response. It allows the brain to display the calm, smooth, harmonious waves called alpha brain waves—like the waves of the ocean, coming in to the shore and rolling back out. Coming in and going out. Breathing in and breathing out. Relax.


3. Drop your shoulders, relax the jaw, and unfurl your brow. Allow your mind to float freely until it settles down. Let thoughts come and go as they please.


4. Bring your attention back gently to your breath. Don’t exert yourself trying to block thoughts. Just remain passive and remind your body that we’re sitting now, we’re breathing now, we’re relaxing now. Sit quietly, stay with your breath. Like the waves of the ocean, breathing in, breathing out. Let thoughts fade into the background. Relax. To be still, to be quiet, to be at ease. This is the gift of relaxation.

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Afterglow Week Three Meditation: A Moment of Loving Kindness

Since the free app that I recommended for my curriculum guided meditations, Stop, Breathe & Think, went out of business earlier this year, I want to offer some alternatives for you to use instead. I love this liberating, loving kindness meditation by Dr. Shelly Harrell. Feel free to read this aloud in the group, which may be more time efficient, or click on the link to access the free audio available on mindful.com

1. Invite your body to relax, rolling back your shoulders. Open up your heart space. And allow your breath with every inhale to move through the heart. And every exhale to move back to the heart. I have recently learned that the heart actually sends more messages to the brain and the brain to the heart.

2. Drop your gaze or close your eyes, inviting the body to relax. Please let these phrases wash over you, replenishing, refreshing, and nourishing your soul. May you live in truth and be free. May the light of truth open your eyes and liberate your soul to express its highest calling. May you hear your inner wisdom voice and discern its messages from the illusions, projections, hype, and lies.

3. May any imprisoned part of your being be liberated, unchained, and unshackled from all that keeps you in bondage in any way. May you release and let go of habits, patterns, and behaviors that no longer serve you. May you transcend limitations, those imposed by others and those you have imposed on yourself.

4. May you know that within each moment lives the freedom to choose and to begin again. May you know the divine truth of who you really are, your worth and your value, your gifts and your purpose. May you be free.

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Afterglow Week One Meditation: R.E.S.T.

Since the free app that I recommended for my curriculum guided meditations, Stop, Breathe & Think, went out of business earlier this year, I want to offer some lovely alternatives for you to use instead. This simple yet profound R.E.S.T. meditation by Rashid Hughes is a great place to start. Feel free to read this aloud in the group, which may be more time efficient, or click on the link to access the free audio available on mindful.com

“Find a comfortable posture of your choice. This could be a sitting posture, standing, or lying down.

If you choose to keep your eyes open, let your gaze rest, lowered on a point in front of you. If you choose to keep your eyes closed, rest your eyelids comfortably.

Set your intention toward relaxing and effortlessness. 

Whenever you notice yourself shifting into “doing” or “thinking,” simply return back to your original intention, and begin again.

Relax your attention. Release any fixation that you might have on any object. Be as ordinary and natural as possible. If you notice that your attention becomes fixated or distracted, simply relax.

Exhale all striving. Empty yourself of any effort toward achieving a particular outcome or result. Remain open and accepting to the present moment. Let your experience be as it is.

Sense the silence. Surrender all attachment to what you notice, and feel the intuitive sense of silence within you. Be aware of the silence and feel the vastness of the silence.

Tune in to awareness. Recognize that you are naturally aware, and you are conscious of this awareness. Trust this effortless knowing and the silence. There’s nothing to do, and nowhere to go. Just rest.

When you are ready to end the practice, gently bring your attention to your surroundings and invite simple movements to your body.”

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Afterglow Week Two Meditation: A 5-Minute Body Scan Meditation for Nurturing your Heart

Since the free app that I recommended for my curriculum guided meditations, Stop, Breathe & Think, went out of business earlier this year, I want to offer some lovely alternatives for you to use instead. I love this nurturing meditation by Jonathan Fishler. Feel free to read this aloud in the group, which may be more time efficient if there are fussy babies present, or click on the link to access the free audio available on mindful.com

“ Find a comfortable position. Adjust your posture to bring a little bit more comfort in. Set the spine upright and relaxed. Take a few nice deep breaths into the abdomen, filling up the belly and exhaling slowly. Take a deep breath in through the nostrils. As you breathe out, let your eyes gently close or gaze softly in front of you. Arrive fully in this moment. Let go of thoughts or stories as we return back into this body.

Feel into the soles of your feet or wherever your body makes contact with your seat. Notice any sensations, any vibration, pressure, tingling in your body. Feel a sense of support from the ground or seat beneath you. Shift your attention to your thighs and feel gravity pulling you down slightly. You may remember that you’re supported and safe in this moment.

Now, bring awareness to your shoulders. Allow a sense of relaxation and softness throughout your body. Bring attention to the space between the eyes and the muscles of the face and jaw, just allowing them some kindness now. Allow them to relax.  Listen into the space around the heart. Listen deeper into the space of the heart.

Ask yourself: What am I needing most? See what arises. Perhaps it’s a sense of calm or balance. Or maybe it’s growth or strength or self-trust. Perhaps it’s a sense of connection. Maybe it’s love. Whatever it is, allow that intention to grow in strength. Allow that intention to fill up the space of the heart. Like a golden light, let it fill up the space of the chest. Allow that intention to find what you are most needing right now to fill up your body. 

Let your intention spill out beyond you. And in this next moment, offer yourself some compassion. Compassion for the challenges that you’ve faced and continue to face. Offer yourself a sense of ease, a sense of nurturing. See whether you can begin to treat yourself like you would treat a child or a close friend who is going through a difficult moment. And in any difficult moment asking yourself: Can I simply be kind to myself right now? Even in this moment of uncertainty, pain or discomfort, even in this moment of fear.

Now, let go of that intention. Come back into the body, into the environment, feeling supported by your feet on the floor or your thighs on the chair. Offer some gratitude to your body sitting here breathing, and gratitude for the community that is sitting here together. Just breathing. Just being with a sense of connection.  When you’re ready, gently open your eyes and bring some movement back into your shoulders, fingers, and  hands, if that feels right.”

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B!RTH Podcast

Thanks @birthshow for amplifying maternal mental health on your show! I had such a blast talking to the host, Christy. It felt like a fun convo, mama to mama. STREAMING NOW! Episode 16

“There’s this physical baby that’s forming and this bump when we’re pregnant and everyone can see that we are physically growing a human but we forget to talk about the psychological gestation of a mother. There are actual milestones just like there are for the baby’s birth for their development and their growth too. And one of the biggest ones is looking back and realizing what messages we’ve received about what it means to be a mother and to really dismantle the myth of the “perfect mother.”
– Ashley Hanna-Morgan, LCSW & Perinatal Mental Health Therapist –
An excerpt from today’s episode of @birthshow

SHOW NOTES:

Ready for a soothing and eye-opening therapy session? Today’s guest is therapist and parental mental health expert Ashley Hanna-Morgan. She tells us her TWO BIRTH STORIES (one with an epidural and one without any pain meds!). And she also shares her own experience with miscarriage, what she learned as a result of her own perinatal mental health struggles and how it changed the trajectory of her career and life.

In this episode Ashley dishes out some truly encouraging and helpful words of advice for all new parents everywhere.

Some topics we discuss include:

Finding a “mom-tribe” and better yet creating a wonderful support group. How to understand and honor ALL of your feelings, no matter what they are. What it’s like to navigate ambivalent feelings and intrusive thoughts. Why people tend to grieve privately when they experience miscarriage and loss. Why being a “perfect mother” is a myth. The realities of parenting a toddler and a newborn at the same time. Some reasons your sex drive might take a dive in the postpartum period and why every new mom needs an artistic outlet in their postpartum journey. PLUS in this episode a “Fun Fact” allllll about what you need to know about how Pitocin works and how it’s different from Oxytocin.

#birthshow#pregnant#pregnancy#laboranddelivery#birthstory#whatnoonetellsyou#mentalhealthawareness#mamalife#momshelpingmoms#podcaststolistento#feministpodcast#postpartumdepression#firsttrimester#secondtrimester#thirdtrimester#expectingmom#truestory#maternalmentalhealth#midwife#obgyn#itsaboy#birthisbeautiful#empoweredmama#womensupportingwomen#birthstorypodcast

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Thanks to being fully vaccinated, I am seeing clients in person again!

If you would like a postpartum home visit (like back in the good ol’ days pre-Covid) or would like to come sip a cup of hot tea on my couch in my office, I am grateful to be offering in-person counseling sessions again. Specifically for trauma-related issues, in-person visits maximize the opportunity to desensitize and reprocess through EMDR light therapy. Online scheduling available here! Wishing you wellness.

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The Sex & Perinatal Mental Health Conference (two of my favorite subjects!)

I am thrilled to announce I will be teaching a breakout session entitled “EMDR: Healing Sexual Trauma that Resurfaces in the Perinatal Period” at Maternal Mental Health Now’s next 2-day training on January 13 & 14, 2020 at The California Endowment in Los Angeles. The goal of the conference is to explore how sex and sexuality impact and interact with mental health during the perinatal period. Continuing education units will be provided. Early bird tickets available. Register now!

 

MMHN Conference2019 savethedate 3d

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When “Nobody Saw You”

There’s so much truth here, and so much love from the friend who wrote it for her mom friend…be prepared to cry! (In a good way. 🙂

 

Nobody saw you,

nobody at all

at 3am when

they woke again.

Nobody saw you

picking up the peas,

wiping up the beans,

emptying the laundry basket,

taking out the bins

again

and again.

Nobody saw the crust of toast

that fell out of your bra when you got undressed at night,

such a glamorous life

being mum

wiping noses

washing faces

trying to stay calm.

(for Pete’s sake)

Nobody saw you

when you were so bored of playing princess ninja pirate turtles

but you said, ‘ok,

just five more minutes,

just one more time,

just one more go,

just one more round’

and then said it again ten minutes later.

Nobody saw you

holding the toddler who wouldn’t be put down

but also wouldn’t go in the buggy

but also wanted to walk but only in the opposite direction

and ‘oh look!

a stick/discarded lolly/dog poo/pebble/cigarette butt/the sky!’

Nobody saw you holding the sick bucket in the night

or on the way back from school

nobody saw you holding a jacket,

a rucksack, a book bag, a sunhat,

a scooter, the baby, a half-eaten apple

and an art project made out of three cereal boxes taped together

and covered in glitter glue,

holding soft little hands at bed time,

holding angry little bodies still kicking and shouting,

holding it together,

holding on,

holding a hungry little head

to a boob as hard as concrete

in those early days

of chaos.

Nobody saw you winding the bobbin up

and winding it back again

and pointing to the ceiling

and pointing to the floor

and pointing to the window

and pointing to the door.

Nobody saw you when it was raining again

and the kids were sick

and you didn’t leave the house for three days.

Nobody saw that.

Nobody saw how many times you watched ‘The Gruffalo,’

on the third day,

how many times you read about what happened to igglepiggle’s blanket

or the one about the inappropriate pets

sent by the zoo.

Nobody saw you in the car

when you dropped the baby off for the first time

when you promised yourself you wouldn’t

but you cried all the way home

all the same.

Nobody saw when you were empty

but you gave something

but you made something

but you thought of a game

but you said sorry to a little face

for being cross, for snapping again.

I haven’t seen you for a while

we haven’t chatted for too long

but I when I see those lovely pictures of your kids

you post sometimes

I feel like I am seeing you,

the mum behind the kids

behind the babies

and the bumps

and the toddlers smiling into the camera

I see the wipes and the nappies and the games and the songs

I see the snot and the poo and the tantrums and the kisses

I see you putting little arms

into little cardigans

and brushing tiny teeth.

(whilst being kicked in the face)

Nobody sees all of the things that you do

all of the ways that you manage

and with questions like,

‘So when are you going back to work?’

You can end up feeling like one of the hardest jobs

you have or will ever have done

is simply reduced to dossing around at home.

Nobody sees you sometimes

but you are building something

that will never be torn down

a love that cannot be removed

and sometimes it is boring

and sometimes it is the worst

and sometimes you have never been happier

Nobody saw how much you gave

every day

every night

every 5am

every 5pm

every moment.

Have I ever told you

that I think

you are such a wonderful Mum?

Let’s get pissed together soon ok?

~Anonymous

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