Sharing In Her Own Backyard at The LA Times Festival of Books this last weekend was a dream come true! As a therapist, walking alongside parents through their perinatal mental health experiences is always a profound privilege. Imagine how energizing it was then to connect with mystery-lovers who have never even heard of perinatal mental health. (That was the subversive goal this therapist was aiming to achieve! Mission accomplished!)
The “conduit energy,” i.e., what I felt when I channeled the characters’ voices to convey a story that felt like it was asking to be told, came over me again. In action, it looked like putting aside the introverted part of me who prefers the writing process to go right up to people, bookmark-in-hand, and ask, “Do you like mysteries?” I got plenty of no’s for sure. “No, I’m a Romance Girlie.” “No, I’m a Sci-Fi person.” But I got a lot of enthusiastic “Ooooh yeahs,” which opened the door for genuine conversations that ultimately felt like making new friends.
When someone asked, “What’s it about?” my answer was simple:
“It’s a mystery about a group of mama friends who try to solve a cold case.”
A group of gals wearing matching book club shirts (love it!) murmured, “Oh yeah, we would totally do that, too!” After reading the back, they asked, “Will you come to our book club?”
My answer: “In fact, I’d love to!”
“Are there book club questions?”
“Around twenty… I had to stop myself. I get a tad passionate about perinatal mental health.”
See, this book isn’t just a mystery. It’s a labor of love into which I poured my own lived experience with postpartum mental health struggles, my professional toolbox of coping tools, and amalgamations of my own best friends’ voices into the circle of mama friends’ voices. While it is not an autobiography, it is deeply personal.
I intentionally designed the narrative to touch on the full, messy spectrum of early parenthood: topics I navigate daily in my counseling practice and what I hoped would be relatable to as many other parents as possible. The story explores infertility, birth trauma, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding struggles, challenges with older siblings, asking for help (sometimes getting it and sometimes not and sometimes it not being enough), feeling judged as a parent, feeling not good enough as a parent, reparenting ourselves, grief, mom rage, in-law struggles, missed opportunities and loneliness within our relationships, the first time having sex postpartum, the first time going on a date postpartum, the first time leaving your baby with a babysitter, feeling “not like myself,” wondering if it will always be this way, questioning if you’re going crazy, sending an SOS text to friends who get it, solidarity in the swamp of parenthood, muddling your way through trying things that are supposed to help, feeling suicidal, medication, therapy, trying to figure out what does make you feel like yourself?
At the same time, the book balances these heavy realities with the sweet, irreplaceable moments of parenting we all long to hold onto forever. We walk alongside the protagonist, Marlowe, literally while she walks for miles because that is the only thing that makes her feel somewhat okay, and while she tries everything from medication to guided meditation, to therapy, to befriending her feelings, accepting that they come and go and that she can notice them without believing them, reducing their intensity.
(The irony that she doesn’t get lost in a good book is not lost on me! I should’ve added that, considering reading for only six minutes reduces stress, cortisol levels, and helps us develop compassion vicariously through the characters. But this is an amateur sleuthing story! No time for her to read, except bedtime books to her babies.)
More than one person who stopped to chat about my book at the festival confided, “I went through that too.” Even more said, “I know somebody who went through that too.” Interestingly enough, more than one person said, “I’ve always wanted to write a book, too.”
That response sparked a larger reflection about all the stories that the world is waiting to hear. What do you want to see represented in the books you read? If you had a supportive community behind you, what story would you tell? What would encourage you to get started, to give it a go?
For me, I write to tell stories that need to be told: stories that inspire hope, normalize the struggle, and remind people that they are not broken and they are never alone. Writing is what makes me feel fully alive and deeply connected.
Navigating the Journey of Parenthood? If you are currently walking through the messy, beautiful, and sometimes overwhelming swamp of parenthood, postpartum adjustment, or perinatal mental health challenges, please know that you don’t have to navigate it alone. Whether you are looking for support through therapy or a safe space to process your experience, I would love to connect. Reach out to schedule a consultation with me at Healing Home Counseling, and let’s work together to help you feel like yourself again.
What makes you feel fully alive?
